i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
