I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
