his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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