the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
