he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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