4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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