Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
