He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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