just come out here and I will go home with you...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
