I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
