You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
