Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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