I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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