FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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