at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
