Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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