Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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