Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
