i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
