just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
