this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
