My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
