I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
