I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
