and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
