everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
