i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
