Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
