wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
