I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
