You work out of a Hotel?
I wish I only lived at night.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
