im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
