By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
