i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
