Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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