one two three fourrrrnication!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
