I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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