She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
