i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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