Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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