My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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