When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
