once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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