I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
