i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
