shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
