Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
