I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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