The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
