yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
