i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
